Boiling water

(Came across these unedited notes in my archives. I do apologize.)



plain example: leaving things on the stove

you may refrain from speculations about short-term memory decay: I am not overly fond of cannabis, apart from the delightful fragrance, and I've been doing this since I was old enough to boil water, which takes us well back, well back to an era when mind and body were small and pristine.

had a friend who used to scoff at idea of 'unconscious' or 'subconscious', and for my part never really thought about it. but now that I consider the matter I can't even identify his position. What would it be, that all is conscious? that's clearly not the case; consciousness barely skims the surface, and the difficulty of keeping any single matter securely 'in mind' for even 5 contiguous minutes should implode the suggestion.

Yet those things, the bulk of knowledge, memory and experience, that are not presently in mind -- neither are they wholly unavailable, for when reminded, one remembers. One recalls.

sure that many silly things have been attributed to un/sub-conscious, for they have no way to defend themselves, have no tangible shape, and psychologists are notorious for insisting on ridiculous models universally applied. but so long as the term is limited to the plain span of the phenomenon, can be useful.

because it makes you ask: if I can forget water boiling on the stove, something that really should occupy present attention, what else might i be forgetting? What else /important/?

And I was always plagued, even in long years' hiatus from schooling, with those dreams of discovering, at end of semester, that I had forgotten about class i'd been enrolled in. in fact they occurred more then. maybe i really need to be in academia, after all, but had forgotten the reason for this. (if there is such, it has not yet distinctly come back to mind - except that I vastly prefer these bordered summers and school-structured time - they instantiate seasons where nature cannot reach, order time and give it rhythm again)

and another concession to psycholos - things we have forgotten can still affect mood. see it in the short term - can forget and have to ask yourself - why am I so agitated? then remember - have to pay bill, worried about a test. something 'hanging over the head'. can forget the cause but the feeling persists. only way to temporarily uproot both is engage in mood-altering drug or activity. habitual practice called addiction, in our blurred modern terms, even though no physical attachment may pertain (object to psycholos' seizure and distortion of this term, expanded beyond use or recognition now). religious zealotry definitely to be included. all devotional practice is about altering mood, state of mind. hence targeting poor, oppressed, troubled. hence those that join cults (in which term no religion wholly excluded ). hence the look on their faces after.

suddenly recall - the one thing I really liked about cannabis was memory related. whether or not any effect on short term memory not apparent; not habitual user, and my short-term memory, as described above, seive-like from the start. but noticed that when intoxicated on this substance, if I thought back to childhood I could remember in vivid clarity whole scenes and events that I had long forgotten - and then later they would remain, new entry in the tattered book of life, with its few and faded pages. collected several of these - but should have written them down - can't distinguish them now, either submerged again or use has blurred to same blandness as the rest of childhood memory.

computer can never mimic the brain unless they are made unreliable and lacking precision; surely we do not want them too - want instead a better brain, a substitute for weak blood-bathed tissue of uncertain neural paths. just like we want better hearts, better livers, better carpal tunnels, better teeth, better eyes, better bones, more life. envy in machines everything but insentience - and sometimes that. potential for repair, interchangeability of parts. we answer the riddle of the ship of theseus, once we can become it.

(Psycholos? What? I wrote it, but I... don't get it. I am not, and have never been, sympathetic to Scientology, although I do find it fascinating. Was I talking about something I read in a pamphlet? That atrocious film? Someone's screen name? No idea.)

Several hours later...

(I get it! I was using 'psycholos' as an insulting term for psychologists. Now it all makes sense.)